The Weird, Stupid and Crazy Council of Elrond
by Blonde Archer
Summary: The Council with a twist! ~()~


Hello everybody! I have changed my pen name from Lonestar236 to "the next JRR Tolkien". This is my second fic and I hope it will turn out good. My first one (The Adventures of Merry and Pippin) is not finished, but if you want me to finish it you can follow these 3 simple steps:  
  
Find the fic The Adventures of Merry and Pippin by the next JRR Tolkein.  
  
Read it.  
  
Review me your ideas and I just might use them in future chapters.  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings.  
  
***The Weird, Stupid and Crazy Council of Elrond***  
  
"Strangers from distant lands, friends of old. You have been summoned here to answer the threat of Mordor." Elrond said in his scary voice. Ha, he thought, I scared them. Well at least I scared the Hobbit, Dofro or whatever his name is.  
  
Frodo was in fact cowering in his chair. The guy with the perpendicular eyebrows scared him. How could anyone have eyebrows like that?  
  
Elrond, a.k.a. "Guy with the Perpendicular Eyebrows", continued his little speech but no one was really listening. All the Elves were either filing their nails or combing their hair. The Dwarfs were cleaning their axes and most of the men plus Gandalf were sleeping. All of the sudden a faint "hic" was heard, followed by a "shh, Pippin!"  
  
"Sorry Merry, I can't help it."  
  
Elrond stood up and walked over to the bushes and pulled Merry and Pippin out of them.  
  
"Oh hi Mr.FreakyEyebrows, I mean Lord Elfond." Merry said obviously trying to pretend he had no idea the council was being held there. "Fancy seeing you here. Me and Pip were just.uh what were we doing Pip?"  
  
"It doesn't matter, hic, what we were doing as long as you, hic, know we weren't listening in on your secret council-thingy that, hic, we weren't invited to." Pippin said, obviously proud of himself for thinking up an explanation. Merry groaned.  
  
"Shoo! Go and don't come back!" said Elrond, glaring at the pair of Hobbits with his perpendicular eyebrows. "I don't need you around spoiling this Council!"  
  
Merry and Pippin ran off and, despite Elrond's words, hid in the bushes again.  
  
"Now, where was I?" Elrond said. "Bring forth the Ring, Frodo."  
  
Frodo approached the Guy-with-the-Perpendicular-Eyebrows timidly, never taking his eyes off of them. He was still very freaked out by the Eyebrows.  
  
"It is a gift, a gift to the foes of Mordor. Why not give it to Gondor?" Boromir asked.  
  
"The Ring answers to Sauron alone. None of us can wield it."Aragorn said. He found he did not like this "Boromir" very much.  
  
"And what would a ranger know of a matter like this? Boromir found he did not like this "Ranger" very much.  
  
"Huh? Oh!" said Legolas when he realized Aragorn was looking at him. He shoved his nail file in his pocket and stood up saying  
  
"This is no mere ranger. This is Aragorn son of Arathorn, you owe him your allegiance."  
  
Boromir's mouth almost dropped open." This is Isildor's Heir?"  
  
"An heir to the throne of Gondor."  
  
"Gondor has no king. Gondor needs no king."  
  
"Havidad, Legolas," Aragorn said, before things got ugly. As much as he didn't like Boromir, he didn't want Legolas killing him.  
  
Legolas sat down rather reluctantly.  
  
"We need to destroy the Ring," Elrond said powerfully.  
  
Suddenly, Gimli jumped up with an axe.  
  
"Dwarves," muttered Legolas. "They are always rash."  
  
"What are we waiting for?" shouted the dwarf. "Let us destroy it!" And with that, his axe was brought down upon the Ring and was shattered.  
  
"Ha ha!" Legolas laughed and was followed by a couple other Elves.  
  
"The only way to destroy it is to throw it into Mt. Doom" Elrond said.  
  
"One cannot simply walk into Mordor. There is evil there that does not sleep. There is a big eye-"  
  
"No duh. We are all well aware of what is in Mordor." Legolas said. That man was getting annoying. "Anyway, have you heard nothing Lord Elrond just said? We must destroy the Ring!"  
  
"And I suppose you think you're the one to do it!" Gimli roared. "I would die before I see the Ring in the hands of an Elf!"  
  
"Okay," Legolas shrugged, nocking an arrow. "Your funeral."  
  
"Never trust an Elf!" Gimli cried.  
  
It was pure chaos. The Elves were trying to kill the dwarves and axes and arrows were flying everywhere. Boromir and Aragorn were locked in a deadly swordfight. Gandalf and the rest of the men were still sleeping.  
  
"I will take the Ring," Frodo said, mainly because he wanted to get as far away from the Eyebrows as he could.  
  
Everyone stopped fighting and burst out laughing.  
  
"Really, I will, though I do not know the way."  
  
Someone nudged Gandalf and he woke up and said 'I can help you bear this burden," even though he did not know what the burden was much less who he was who he was helping bear it.  
  
"You have my sword,"Aragorn said.  
  
"And my bow"  
  
"And my axe"  
  
"You carry the fate of all of us little one," Boromir said," I will come and help you."  
  
"Frodo's not going anywhere without me!" Sam cried, popping out of nowhere.  
  
"Or us" Merry and Pippin came out of the bushes. "You'll have to tie us up in a bag to stop us."  
  
"Okay!"Elrond got a bag out of his pocket and tried to shove Pippin in.  
  
"We were just kidding!" Merry protested.  
  
"Fine, You'll be the Fellowship of the Ring"  
  
***Author's note: That turned out longer than I thought. I hope you liked it. Either way, PUSH THE REVIEW BUTTON!*** 


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